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5
A course in true true power, true honor and true love for ALL your relationships
If you have a stack of books you want to read about love languages, boundaries, communication and relationship psychology, set them aside for when you have a few months of free time....
Now, pick up a copy of 'Keep Your Love On' by Danny Silk.
I am a long time reader and listener of Danny Silk's wisdom and this little gem is a streamlined reference for many of the things that he passionately believes in and teaches for maintaining healthy relationships - from spouse to acquaintance. Utilizing easy to understand analogies and other tools, Silk shares what it takes to keep loving even in the midst of conflicts that arise in our dealings with fellow humans.
Some of my favorite things:
-His focus on the incompatibility of love and control.
-His emphasis on learning to communicate one's own actions rather than dictating to others what they should do.
-Instruction on learning how to decide who you will say 'yes' to and who that means saying 'no' to.
-I love the diagram Silk created to illustrate levels of intimacy needed to "cultivate and protect boundaries." Your Inner-most circle is for God, next for your most intimate human relationship, and from there the circles flow out farther away into the most outer circle to whom you might love with prayers or hopeful thoughts but not much else (as an example in his diagram, Silk's outer circles are populated by Charlie Sheen and Al Qaeda...I'm not sure if that's a commentary on his opinion of Charlie Sheen or not, but it made me laugh!).
-In the same chapter on levels of intimacy I found the peace that I needed in reconciling my desire to love unconditionally with my need to change the dynamic of a formerly close relationship...It is stated: "Often people who once held the 'most intimate' place in our lives find themselves out in the Al Quaeda Sphere...We keep our love on toward them but it may be a very long time before we ever have them over for dinner." Thank you, Mr. Silk, for confirming that it is OK to protect myself from emotional harm.
-Danny Silk is a Christian Counselor/Pastor with an unwavering Christian perspective, yet the bulk of the book does not belabor this point and there isn't constant Biblical Proof-texting or preaching. Because of this I feel very comfortable in sharing this book with my friends who might be of a different faith or who might not care to read a book heavily laden with theology just to get to the practical wisdom within.
-I can't wait to practice being a Blue-Ray Player.
....And to understand that last one you will have to get this book!
KYLO!!!
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Reviewed in the United States on June 27, 2013
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5
A practical guide to interpersonal relationships...
My wife and I picked up copies of Keep Your Love On! ("KYLO") for our 8 year anniversary. As we had followed a small group study on Mr. Silk's "Loving Your Kids on Purpose", and found his teaching to be incredibly practical in our day to day relations with our children, we were excited to see what Mr. Silk had to say about marriage.
More than a book on marriage, KYLO is an overview of how to create and foster intimate interpersonal relationships by learning to make connections, communicate effectively and set appropriate boundaries. Mr. Silk uses anecdotal experiences from his personal life and ministry to set the stage for each chapter in the book.
What I ended up walking away with from KYLO was the discussion on "love languages" (how people receive and give love);the seven pillars of a healthy relationship; communicating in conflict; and a breakdown on the various levels of intimacy. These concepts gave my wife and I, who on all accounts have a happy marriage, food for thought and opportunities to discuss how to make our "good thing" better.
Though the book is written from an evangelical Christian perspective, I believe the book has value even for non-Christians. The analysis of interpersonal dynamics, communication styles, and behavioral cycles all have a secular academic foundation which comes to the same conclusions Mr. Silk arrives at by biblical means.
Though "self help" books are not a genre I usually cozy to, I thoroughly enjoyed KYLO. I would recommend this book for anyone who wants to know what a healthy relationship looks like and how to foster healthy relationships in your own life.
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Reviewed in the United States on August 1, 2013
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4
Really Helpful!
Format: Paperback
The concepts about communication and relationships in this book are sometimes very basic (e.g., "I statements"), yet presented very well. And some of the concepts are absolutely wonderful in the way they present ways to live well and love deeply those in one's closest circle. The book is useful for everyone, not just married couples and parents. I am a widow of many years, and found this book very valuable for my relationship with my almost 40-year old son, and with my sister and her family, and other relationships as well. I'm going to go back through the book at least once a year to keep the concepts fresh and in the forefront of my mind.
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Reviewed in the United States on May 27, 2023
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5
Required reading for use in everyday life!
Format: Paperback
My brother-in-law recommended I read the book and I am so grateful that he did.
This book is not just for married people. It is a book about "owning" your part in interacting with people (constructively and destructively) and learning how to become powerful without destroying the ones you love. It explains SO much on how I messed up (destroyed) so many relationships in my past (familial and friends). I really have a whole new depth of reality. I will probably read my copy of the book at least 2 more times. And, I will recommend the book over and over again - to anyone struggling to love someone and feeling frustrated and powerless. Although, I will never be able to loan my copy to anyone, because I underlined, circled, and wrote so many notes, that the book is now a journal of my inner most feelings and revelations.
Lastly, I am married. And, my marriage is fragile. There is a WHOLE lot of work to be done to change the tides from choppy waters to smooth sailing. The difference now is that I have hope. I no longer have fear or defeat. I will take a chance and be vulnerable and communicate what it is I want and need, without critism to my husband. I WILL listen to what it is he wants and needs, regardless of whether it is a task I am responsible for - or not. No matter what happens from this point forward, I KNOW how to love the person without demanding that they change. Ultimately, I can only control myself. It is no longer my job to change or critique others. As long as I keep God first, focus on myself second, do not allow "Consumers" to deplete my garden, express "God's love (in and out of my home), establish healthy boundaries (not selfish ones - healthy ones), and ensure that I manage relationships in a mutually respectful way, I CANNOT lose.
As my brother-in-law told me, "Read this book with your heart. You will be changed. I promise."
God bless you Danny Silk!
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Reviewed in the United States on April 1, 2016
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5
Distilled truth
I read Danny's quotes from this book on Facebook for maybe a couple of weeks before I realized it was his new book. Of course I had to order it immediately. My life was forever changed after my first encounter with Danny's teaching at a conference ten years ago where I purchased "Directing Vision Daily," (now updated and called "Loving Our Kids On Purpose"). I learned about self-control and it affected every relationship in my life, not just the training of my toddler (now the oldest of four and headed into middle school).
Danny has such a powerful message. I call it distilled truth.
After a really tough year, moving across country, returning full-time to the workforce after eleven years as a stay-at-home mom, children having issues in school and needing more support, and much more, I found myself very disconnected from my husband and miserable. I watched a You-Tube video where Danny said something that went straight to my heart and I puzzled over it for days, "every relationship has one of two goals: connection or disconnection." I realized that at some point over the past year I switched from the goal of connection to that of disconnection. I knew I should want to be connected, but I did not. After fifteen years of marriage and so many conversations about the same topics and still not being understood, I found myself once again in the place of wanting to give up.
The book took a couple weeks to come in the mail, but I read it in two days, hungry for a solution to the problem for which I now had a label: the goal of disconnection. We read Gary Chapman's "The Five Love Languages" about 13 years ago, so that part was not new to me, but Danny's summary of the acts of service love language (many other points too) felt like he was reading my mail. After thinking on all that I had read for a couple more days, I arranged to spend an evening with my husband alone. We were able to have a much needed talk that has put us on a path to reconnecting.
By this point in my life and my marriage, I realize this is a journey that will inevitably entail future obstacles. This book has given me yet another tool, one that takes me back to the foundation. The key to keeping my love on is exercising my self-control and behaving as the powerful person I am, not waiting for someone else to rescue me from my misery. Thank you, Danny. I needed that.
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Reviewed in the United States on June 10, 2013