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My Literary Selfie: An AutobiographyAn Autobiography is just that an account of my life, the good, the bad, and the very ugly. My life was not lived in a vacuum, but involved interaction with parents, siblings, other relatives, spouse, children and so on. How much can I write? How much should I hold back? How much is too much, and how little is too little? Taking the Note I wrote a few days ago as an example, I said very little good and kind about the man who was my husband and the
An Autobiography is just that Ð an account of my life, the good, the bad, and the very ugly. My life was not lived in a vacuum, but involved interaction with parents, siblings, other relatives, spouse, children and so on. How much can I write? How much should I hold back? How much is too much, and how little is too little? Taking the Note I wrote a few days ago as an example, I said very little good and kind about the man who was my husband and the father of my children. This is sad, but what I said was true according to my experience. Regardless, I feel that if the story was to be written from his point of view, I would be just as vilified.
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4.4 ★★★★★
Based on 1420 reviews
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Product Reviews
★★★★★ 5
Audiobook conveys message even better than author’s eloquent, precise words in a book
Format: Audiobook, Format: Audiobook
Target audience: non-narcissistic people who have been adversely impacted by pathologically narcissistic individuals.
“It’s Not You” is one of those books where the audiobook *greatly* enhances, optimizes & completes the reader’s understanding of the author’s message & information. Read-by-the-author audiobooks have the advantage of having emphases & nuances conveyed as the author intended. And this author verbal communication is highly nuanced & expressive.
Ramani Durvasula not only has the credentials, depth of experience & cohesive understanding of pathologies of the human psyche, especially Axis II conditions, she has the rare combination of experience & competency to diagnose & treat both:
1) a) pathological individuals w/narcissistic thought & behavior patterns &/or b) NPD patients meeting diagnostic criteria (“treat” includes attenuate, not necessarily “cure”, esp conditions w/ poor prognosis)
2) those adversely impacted by the damage inflicted on people in the pathological individual’s lives.
At the risk of being repetitive, this book is aimed at the 2nd population.
In online spaces, Durvasula has been criticized by the 1st population, which is to be expected. Combating, destroying ANY *perceived* criticism is an *expected* part of narcissistic pathology (as well as avoidantly attached individuals, many of whom are also narcissistic).
This book is an excellent companion to the solid, publicly accessible online via her videos (free) as well as the modestly priced online healing program. Finding good resources to help those affected by the pathological narcissist is an incredibly challenging task. Rare are the “counselors”, “therapists” & other resources who can truly help make genuine, sustainable substantial headway on the task of recovering from adverse impacts inflicted by pathological narcissists.
Ramani Durvasula’s resources are the opposite - practically makes up for wasted time & resources “auditioning” ineffective therapists, reading books, attending group therapies etc.
While my personal tool kit for recovery is evolving (as is the science), Durvasula’s material, including “It’s Not You” is a permanent part of my tool kit.
As of Nov 2024, additional & complementary resources I’ve found helpful:
- “It’s Not You” is a well complemented by: Peter Solerno’s Aug 2024 The Nature and Nurture of Narcissism: Understanding Narcissistic Personality Disorder from the Perspective of Gene - Environment Interaction, a book I purchased for the citations/bibliography & have been delightfully surprised by the writing. . . Solerno & Durvasula are stylistic different in their delivery. I sincerely appreciate both.
- Work & online material of Les Carter.
- Jackson MacKenzie’s books RIP
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Reviewed in the United States on December 1, 2024
★★★★★ 5
Healing from a narcissistic organization/ family member
Format: Hardcover
Dr. Ramani does a excellent job helping victims of narcissistic relationships in this book. As a brown male who was part of an organization and had a family member who had narcissistic tendencies, I needed help returning back to myself. This book helped in every way to become free and heal from these relationships, and not return back to those types of relationships. Thanks for writing this book, Dr Ramani!
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Reviewed in the United States on May 6, 2026
★★★★★ 4
Detailed Window to Narcissism
Format: Kindle
This book answered a lot of questions I had about narcissism. I have been on the fence about labeling a certain person in my life as a narcissist, but this book helped me recognize the behaviors that I have seen in this person in my life. I agree with a lot of the author's thoughts about how narcissism effects the people that are hurt by this disorder, but I did not agree in her belief about forgiveness in the matter of dealing with a narcissist. Forgiveness is a hard thing to practice but It does set you free from the heavy things that way a person down. It was also sad to accept the belief that narcissists will never change but in my heart, I believe that it is true.
I appreciated her style of writing this book. At times it felt like the author was sitting in my living room and talking directly to me. I also liked how the author explained certain psychological terms in a way that most people could understand. I have read other books on narcissism, but I think this book gave me the best definitions and examples of this hurtful and destructive disorder.
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Reviewed in the United States on February 23, 2026
★★★★★ 5
very important book
Format: Kindle
If you are a victim of narcissistic abuse, It’s Not You could be a revolutionary, transformative, healing read. I just finished it and feel a deep gratitude to Ramani Durvasula, PhD for dedicating her life to sharing, as she calls it, “the story of the lion” not the hunter.
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Reviewed in the United States on May 30, 2026
★★★★★ 5
deeply insightful
Format: Hardcover
A deeply insightful and comforting book that helped me better understand unhealthy relationship patterns. The author explains complex emotional topics in a very relatable way. I couldn’t put it down.
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Reviewed in the United States on May 19, 2026